Signs

I've always had a thing for street signs. Not sure why exactly, but I always thought there was something cool about them. Rather, something cool about having street signs I shouldn't have. I've always wanted that one with two people on a see-saw that you see near parks. And there's one in my parents neighborhood that says 'Deaf Child' that I thought would be cool to have. Lest anyone think I'm too mean, that sign has been there for over 20 years so I'm guessing the child it refers to is long gone. At the moment I have a large number of street signs sitting in my parents garage, mainly because what on Earth am I gonna do with them? Some day when I have my own house, along with a room that is nothing but mirrors, maybe I can have an all street sign room. I didn't steal all the signs I have; they were actually given to me when I worked at the hospital. I was friends with the guy who was in charge of signage. He brought me to his storeroom one day and said that they were replacing all the signs, so I could take my pick. I now have a couple of Do Not Park signs, a Handicapped Parking Only sign, a huge One Way sign and a regulation size Stop sign.

My need for street signs started back in college. I think some other (older) kids had some up in their room and I thought they looked cool so I thought I should get some of my own. One night a friend of mine and I went behind one of the dorms (the Suites) to their private parking area. I used my screwdriver to take down two parking signs. I think they said 'Parking by Permit Only' and 'No Parking'. So anyway, I took them and snuck them back to my room where I hung them in front of my window. I was so cool. I was a rebel! They hung there for a few months before I had a small issue.

One fine spring morning my girlfriend showed up at my door asking if I could give a visiting friend of hers a ride to the train station. Being the man that I was, I did was I was told, um, asked. So I took her and her friend to the train station and got back to my room about 30 minutes later. Back then I lived in a quad, which was four single rooms with a common bathroom. The bathroom actually split the quad into two halves, so really it was myself and my friend Chris on one side. He had the room immediately to the right as you walked in through the outer door, and I had the one straight ahead. I walk back into the quad and into my room and the first thing I notice is that my garbage can had moved. I thought that was a little weird. At that point Chris wanders in and says 'Public Safety was here, I think they left you a voicemail.' So I of course say, 'Public Safety? Why?' And he says, 'You set off the fire alarm.'

At this point I need to inform you of one other thing. Earlier that year my friend Pete had gone to Israel and brought me back some incense. This wasn't the normal stick kind I'm used to, nor was it that small cone stuff that people sometimes use. This was a large pyramid, probably a little bigger than a fist, that felt like styrofoam. Maybe it was just styrofoam, but all I know is, it smelled good when I burned it. Being Indian, I was used to using incense and letting it burn whether or not I was in the room. Never really had any issues. But apparently leaving the big pyramid of styrofoam burning wasn't the smartest move in the world, because the smoke it generated set off the fire alarm. Public Safety had broken into my room to douse it.

So I check my voicemail and I hear a woman on the other end say something like, "This is Public Safety. We had to come into your room earlier because the fire alarm went off. We confiscated your street signs and Chief Evans would like to see you in his office." To that point I hadn't even noticed the signs were gone, but as I looked up, yup, they were gone. I went into a small panic, since this wasn't the first time I had done something the school didn't like. The other incident involved the school's voicemail system locking up because of me and my voicemail account being cancelled. But that's another story. So I call the Public Safety department to set up a meeting with Chief Evans. I walk into his office and we have the following conversation:

CE: Why'd you take the signs?
Me: Umm, I didn't, they were sitting in the hallway of the Suites. Someone else took them down, I just took them from the guys who stole them originally. (Yes, a small and subtle changing of the truth.)
CE: Well don't do it again.
Me: OK.

And that was pretty much it. A five second conversation about the signs (and surprisingly nothing about the incense) and I was out the door. The following year Pete and another friend became President and Vice-President of our Student Government. I thought it would be cool to be part of the SGA so I asked what cabinet positions they had open. Pete said, we have the co-chair of the Public Safety and Health Services Committee (why they were combined into one position I'm not sure) and I said, I'll take it! During the confirmation hearing, one Senator asked, "Do you have a working relationship with Chief Evans or the head of Health Services?" I thought for a second, recalled my 'meeting' with Chief Evans the year before and said 'Chief Evans and I have had meetings before." I was a unanimous confirmation.

The moral of the story is as always, steal a couple of parking lot signs, get a Student Government cabinet position.