The Wolfpack Files

My Life in My Words

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

5 Things

So recently on a friends blog, I was 'tagged' and now have to write 5 things about myself no one knows. I was going to just post them on her blog but I realized I hadn't written anything in a while, so why not just write them here. So, 5 things most of you might not know about me...

1. Back in college a friend and I used to steal those long fluorescent tube light bulbs and smash them against trees. For some reason, every so often, the maintenance people would leave a box of them in the hallway. What were we supposed to do? Ignore them? And you might be asking, OK, taking the light bulbs is one thing, but why smash them against trees? Because they explode. And as you will see from the following story, I enjoy things like that.

2. In the same vein, my friend Pete and I used to go out back into the woods behind college and light things on fire. It was nice finding a friend who had the same pyro personality I did. We used lighter fluid for the big stuff. And no, we never burned down the forest. The main building that went up in flames at our college happened the year before I got there. When I was really young, a family friend and I once sat in the closet under the stairs and lit many, many boxes of matches. And yes, I do realize these two stories involve me going with a male friend either into the woods or into a closet. Shut up.

3. Back in high school I had a friend named Jared who was really good at stealing things from our 7-11. He was so good he used to take requests. He never charged people however, which now that I think about it would have been a good side business. And yes, I also shoplifted from there once or twice. Mainly Snickers bars. And I also once stole a pack of baseball cards from a 7-11 in Florida. We used to own an apartment on Singer Island and on the way there, I think just before the bridge, there was a 7-11 we would stop at to pick up supplies. I remember taking the cards and rushing to the car before my parents were done and ripping them open looking for an All-Star card. Didn't find one. I made the mistake, about 20 years after the fact, of telling my parents. My father immediately insisted I send the store the money.

4. I once wore lipstick. It's not what you think. I was in a musical back in high school (The Pirates of Penzance - I played pirate number 13) and I had to wear it. Well, sort of. First off, we had mandatory sports during our trimesters and I would do whatever I had to do get out of it. Not that I wasn't good at sports (as my numerous tennis championship t-shirts can attest to) but I was just bored by them. So one semester I decided to join the musical, which apparently was considered enough exercise for a sport. I had to 'audition' and I chose the Star-Spangled Banner as my song. Not completely sure what I was thinking. Anyway, I was accepted and the first day of rehearsal I joined my other friends in the Bass section. I was then immediately called out and taken down to the Tenor section. At that point in my life, this was cause for embarrassment because it meant my voice was higher than everyone elses. There were only 4 tenors and the other three guys weren't the most masculine of people. Not fun. Anyway, the girl I had a massive crush on at the time happened to also be in the musical, happened to be my dance partner (I got to lift her in the air, that was fun), and happened to do the makeup. So even though with my skin I was told I didn't need makeup, any time I could get her to touch my face I went for it. So I wore brown lipstick. I then asked her to go to the prom with me and was informed she had just started dating someone else a couple of weeks earlier. Good times.

5. And lastly, a story to reaffirm my masculinity. When I was in high school I had a HUGE crush on Alyssa Milano from Who's the Boss. I used to tape all the shows and in my lesser moments I'd attempt to use my new Kodak Disc camera and take pictures of the TV set. Remember of course that back in those days everything was on film. Film that needed to be developed. And paid for by my mother. Who then saw what pictures I took and seriously wondered if I had issues, which it's fairly obvious I did. One day I remember I got my grades and they were less than stellar and my father got real, real pissed off. He rushed upstairs to my room on a mission. At the time I used to have a twin size bed with a headboard. The headboard had two sliding cabinets on the sides and two shelves in the middle. Needless to say they did not hold books, no, they were filled with pictures of Ms. Milano. I may have been the only guy who ever bought Tiger Beat for the pictures of women, of which there were generally two, Alyssa and whomever the other girl of the month was. Anyway, my father walks over to the headboard and reaches out to rip down the pictures at which point I scream 'NO! It's not her fault!' As sad as that sounds, it stopped him in his tracks. He didn't rip them down. Of course, my grades never got any better either.

So there you go, 5 things you may not have known about me. And likely 5 things you kind of wish you didn't now know.